Thirtysomething

A week from today, I will celebrate tolerate my 30th birthday. I wish I could say that I have approached this coming milestone with class and grace but that would be lying. I am approaching 30 while kicking and screaming.

Michelle has pointed out a number of times that some people have trouble with birthdays because they feel like there is an expectation of what a person should have accomplished by a certain age. She knows that I don't subscribe to any of that kind of silly thinking. Michelle and I are happy. No yearnings for a child on the horizon. I'm still trying to figure out why buying a house or condo would be a good thing. I have a job a like. It doesn't seem like external expectations weighing me down.

I've written before about how young my parents are and how much it weirds me out that I distinctly remember my mother when she was my age. When my mother was 30, she was pregnant with her fourth child. I was 12. But my life is SO different in every way from my mother's that comparing myself to her at this point just seems ridiculous.

So what is it? Why have I been so cranky about turning 30?

I think some of it has to do with the obvious aging of my body. I've been finding (and immediately plucking) grey hair for about 6 months now. I'm quite unhappy with my weight but not unhappy enough, evidently, to do anything to change it.

I just feel like 30 is old.

Now, all of the people I know who are in their 30s seem quite young to me. Michelle- aside from the joint pain, doesn't seem old at all. Deirdre is now married, and mother to a 9 month old but she's not old either. Meg lives in the coolest apartment I've ever seen, travels all the time and has amazing shoes-- none of which are characteristics of an OLD person. Jody doesn't look any older than I do and she's as happy as I've ever known her to be. She's been in her 30s as long as I've known her, I think.  So what's my deal? I don't know.

Tell me, what's the best thing about being in your thirties? Whether you are there now or it was long ago for you, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Maybe that will help me go into my next decade with a little grace and maturity!

Comments

[Sabrina]

For me the best thing about turning 30 meant more stability. My late twenties sucked in a lot of ways. By the end of my 29th year things seemed to be leveling out and when I turned 30 it just seemed like a marker of how much more stable I feel my life is now. I mean seriously, I think back to points of my life after 26 and before 30 and think how the hell did I make it through that? Yeah. So 30? I love it.

[dhd101]

I think I agree with at least the first part of Sabrina's comment. I'll be 33 next month, but I don't think I feel that old (although since the arrival of Rolo I definitely think my body feels older).

Regardless, I think being in your 30s, at least for me, made me feel more settled, more established. Of course, I think you spent most of your 20s being pretty established and you "settled down" much younger than many people do(unlike myself who was partying and sometimes not seriously partnered in my 20s; then got engaged, married and had a baby in my 30s).

Perhaps, you can look at your 30s as a new era. A chance to challenge yourself to do that which currently think you cannot do. Whatever that might be. It's a new chapter--it doesn't have to be a huge deal though. I think people look at a number as a big deal and then when they actually reach that number realize that life continues, just as it was the day before.

As a separate aside, I have always thought of 37 as old. I think this is because it's the age my mom starting telling us that subsequent birthdays were her 37th one. She turned 37 for about 3 years. So I'm curious to see what happens when I hit that year.

This is a totally and ridiculously long comment, but I'll leave you with this: I think your 30s are going to be the most sexy and glamourous years of your life. Only you can make yourself feel old.

[Michelle]

Let's put this in terms you understand:

You think the following ladies are hot:
Susan Sarandon--50s
Kate Winslet--30s
Kate Walsh--40s
Sarah Michelle Geller--30s
Katie Holmes--30 in December

But seriously, you know my thoughts on this. There is a peace that came to me over the past few years, a peace that I believe can only come with experience and aging. I like being in my 30s and as fun as my 20s were the settled and yet adventurous feeling of being in this decade are so much better.

You are goreous and accomplished and your 30s are going to be full of new experiences for us to share!

Love you.

[Kristy]

I'm turning 30 in October, so I don't have direct experience yet, but.... it seems like people in their 30s have spent enough time living to know who they are and what they like, and they have the money and energy to do what they want to do. Sure, I'd love to be skinny like when I was 20, but would I trade my 20-year-old life for my 30-year-old one? No way!

[Heather]

for me, being able to lump myself in the "in my 30s" group meant no longer having to prove my experience... i got a lot of comments from people that i couldn't possibly have done/felt/been (fill in the blank) because i was "so young" (under 30). i hated being told i was still practically a kid, which was sort of amusing because my response to being called a kid at the age of 28 was to stomp my foot and cross my arms and pout.

but seriously. i feel good about being in my 30s and i think a part of that is because i've not had the expectations like you mention. or, it's because i did things a little backwards - get married first, then finish college, for example. i do feel like i missed out on some experiences in my early 20s because i got married and did the housewife/spouse thing. but now that a lot of my friends are getting married, i am the one they come to for tips or advice or reassurance because i'm the one that's been married the longest in my various circles.

also, let the grays grow in. it makes you look distinguished. at least, that's what i tell myself since i can't seem to keep up with plucking them.

[margene]

Your 30s are the perfect years. You know so much more than you did in your 20s. Life is more settled and the best years, most rewarding years are ahead. You are still young enough to be proactive and do what you need to help your body be stronger, healthier and in better condition as you head into the real years of aging…your 40s and 50s. Enjoy what you have now, relish it and respect it.

[ann]

When I turned 30 a year ago, someone told me something that stuck with me: your 20s are figuring out what you want out of life, and your 30s are for going for it with gusto. Now... I'm not certain I've figured everything out, but I definitely am less concerned about what other people think than I was in my 20s. More about sucking the marrow out of life, as it were.

30 isn't old! you have many more great decades before you even START to approach old. Promise!

[Megan]

I found out who I really was and what I was really made of in my 30s. While there are a few periods of time in my 30s that I'd give away if I could, most of it has been so rewarding.

What I like best about being in my 30s is both my ability to look back on my teens and 20s, but to also look forward to my 40s and 50s with less trepidation, since I've already been around for a few decades.

Happy almost birthday!

[Annie]

I have to agree with Margene. It wasn't until I hit my 40s that I started to notice signs of aging (besides the gray hair that I've had since my 20s). To be just turning 30 sounds wonderful to me- I'm 43 now. Enjoy your 30s and try not to stress about a number!

:)

[Sara]

I actually looked forward to 30. In my 20s, I constantly felt unsettled, like with every year I was getting "old," and my life was slipping away because I didn't know what I wanted or where I was going. By 30, I realized I was ready to embrace it. I was done pining the life I wanted but didn't have and I started *living* the life I wanted. I'm so much more sure of myself, and happy and content with where my life is and where it's going. I'm proud to be 30. And when I hit 31, I say bring it on. It's time to LIVE!

[brenda in toronto]

best thing about my 30's? i wasn't in my 40's yet!

i kid. the 40's aren't so bad :)

happy early birthday!

[kathleen]

I lied up in my 20's. I couldn't wait to be 30. As I approach 40, it seems a bit "older" but I always appreciate that I am not 10 years older than I am currently and dealing with what I have on my plate. But, hey! Less about me and more about you. I think you are perfect!!